Focusing on positives helps your Well Being
As lockdown was announced on 23rd March 2020, to restrict the spread of Coronavirus; could we ever have anticipated how much day to day living and the fabric of our lives would change?
That terms like ‘Stay Home’ ‘Lockdown’ ‘Social distancing’ and ‘Pandemic’ would be commonplace in our conversations.
It has been an anxious, and challenging time, with heart aching tragedy for too many. Businesses, schools, whole communities and cities shut and eerily quiet. So many of us missing family and friends and having a hug, being able to meet up for a meal, or celebrate a birthday, a new arrival or to grieve.
However, people have also come together and embraced the sacrifice for the greater good, and for that we should be immensely proud.
“Though we have had and still have much uncertainty and are all in the same storm, as with anything, we will have our own unique experience and how we weather it will be different for us all.”
Our Mental health and Well-being is incredibly important, and more so than ever at the moment.
Thankfully, people are more willing to talk about how they are feeling. People are having genuine conversations – which I really hope stays with us, as people find that speaking out and opening up is so much better, and a far more courageous step to take, than locking down emotionally, especially when people and organisations are so willing and able to help.
If you are feeling anxious, take things day by day, concentrate on what you personally can control and do seek help and support.
Thinking of the positive things you have liked and enjoyed during this time helps you feel happier and uplifted. Try writing them down to keep.
*Spending quality, guilt free time with your family. One young person said to me; how much they had enjoyed reconnecting with their otherwise busy parents! and how good it had been to relax and play games together.
*Having time to appreciate your home, garden and local area – including getting to know your neighbours.
*Maybe, you have read some books for the first time in a long time.
*If you are working from home, it could be how much you have appreciated not having to commute. Some people working from home have found they have been more productive and more connected with colleagues, which could bring about more flexible working in the future?
*You could be a student that has enjoyed home schooling, or a parent that has survived it better than you thought you would, with a new appreciation for teachers?!
*Is it that you can hear the birds singing on your new love for a daily walk?
*Are you one of the many people rediscovering the love of baking or cooking?
*Have you enjoyed the giving and receiving of wonderful acts of kindness and how thoughtful and caring people have been?
*Possibly you learnt how to do video calling and found getting many people together on a call has been easier than you thought, and quite a revelation?
Some people have been worried that they haven’t achieved enough! Do take the pressure off and be kind to yourself, especially as this has been completely new for us all.
Try writing a list or write a journal / story about your experience and credit yourself for the things you have achieved like:
‘I survived home schooling’ or that you actually relaxed and read some books; connected with your family; did more exercise; completed a puzzle, de-cluttered and tidied up; helped others in your family; did acts of kindness for keyworkers and the NHS; like putting art in your window to cheer people up, making masks, donating or fund raising in what way you could. Maybe you took the step to talk about how you feel, or learnt how to use video calling for work, or went on a virtual date…
As we prepare to move forward and Lockdown restrictions to relax further, think of the things you would like to preserve and keep doing.
What have you learnt?
It is important for us to focus on what we have learnt from this crisis, as it is from any crisis. To decide what we would like to take from the experience, especially as it is possible we will never have a time, or time like this again.
Winston Churchill is quoted as saying ‘never let a good crisis go to waste’. Arguably there is nothing ‘good’ about a crisis, however, there are always exceptional creative ideas born from adversity, amazing resilience, bravery and kindness shown by others and from ourselves too, which can surprise us.
This creates an opportunity for us to mine great learning and wisdom, to ensure that what we all have, and are going through, in some way is worth it.
love and light
During these challenging times that we are all going through, it is undersandable to be feeling Stressed or Anxious.
I have created a short video to help you understand any feeling you may be having and how to reduce any anxiety.
I hope helps
How many of us have not ever had Confidence or anxiety issues?
You would be surprised!
Most people at some time in their lives – why?
Because – we are all human:
We are people, with a heart, with feelings and emotions, people with many positive and negative experiences that have moulded how we feel about ourselves and how we deal with the world around us, and the people in it.
We all have those times when we feel on top of the world and times when we really are at rock bottom, but mostly we’re in-between.
We can all have a low opinion of ourselves sometimes and beat up on ourselves! Be our own worst critic – putting ourselves down. Spending time worrying about what others think.
We can also have times where we feel out of control, or very much out of our comfort zone, lacking in confidence in our abilities, which can stop us moving forward. Or we spend time taking on board another’s opinion of us, that does nothing to inspire or encourage.
Have you ever felt fearful about taking on something new, or meeting new people, so that you end up avoiding it? Not gone for a new job, a promotion, on a date, or a holiday, because you don’t feel confident enough and worry it may all go wrong? Ever felt like you have dissolved when circumstances are challenging? Taken on too much for other people – forgetting yourself? Felt guilty for putting yourself first, so then haven’t gone for what you really want? Felt like you can’t say NO! or stayed in toxic relationships – trying so hard to gain the love and approval you feel you need, that will never happen, not feeling good enough or worthy of better? Then you could have a low Self-esteem – how you feel about yourself.
If you lack a positive Self-esteem, have a low Self-worth; so do not value, like or love yourself very much, then mostly you can trudge on, not feeling unhappy all of the time, but not feeling truly fulfilled or like you are being your best self and living the life you want or waiting for and expecting everything to come crashing down. Maybe feeling lost, like you don’t fit in anywhere and not really knowing who you are. Not sticking up for yourself or your values, then constantly dealing with the result of poor decisions or negative thinking.
There is a myriad of reasons as to why you can feel this way, but you can untangle it all and learn to Love, Like and Respect yourself and regain control over who you are and who you want to be. Finding the confidence and courage to take off all masks, rather than wearing the many masks you think you need to wear to suit others, revealing your true self and being authentic to who you are, which brings so much joy and enrichment into your life.
Some people completely disregard any sort of self-development and help with working on how you feel about yourself, however once you do take that step, the results are incredible.
When you feel empowered to Love, Believe, Respect and Trust in yourself and let go of negative thoughts and feelings; you start to build resilience (*bounce back) and look forward to challenges that help you to expand your comfort zone. You learn to see circumstances and people differently and shrug off what others think, because an opinion is only an opinion, formed from wherever that other person is at, and the only opinion you decide counts about You, is the one You have.
You start to take purposeful steps forward and enjoy life more, and look to what is positive, and take any ‘negatives’ ‘failures’ ‘mistakes’ and challenges, as amazing learning opportunities for understanding and growth, which means any fears you may have had – vanish – and you learn to literally *bounce back from anything.
You learn to celebrate yourself and all of your achievements. Believe in You and give yourself the approval you deserve and turn to see life through a different bigger brighter more positive window, regardless of any negative circumstances or people around you.
Importantly – you feel – really feel – Happy.
It all sounds cliched to say ‘learn to Love and Like yourself’ but when you do – something magical happens…
Really truly it does, because no-one can or will hurt you, or put you down, because your Love and Respect for yourself is an impenetrable glorious armour, and you shine so bright from the inside out that those negative people around you start to fear your light and don’t even come near, and your life fills up with those people who celebrate and champion you, as you do them.
Self-development involves many little steps and courage in taking responsibility for yourself; it can sometimes be pretty challenging to hold up the mirror!
It requires a lot of letting go of negative habitual thought processes and letting go of past negatives – once you’ve taken the lesson from the experience! It may involve others not appreciating the new positive self-loving You, but there will be those people who applaud it, and before you know it – you’re taking Leaps.
There are many ways to do this on your own, but it is an even more amazing experience with the support and encouragement of others.
SELF-LOVE, BELIEF, RESPECT and TRUST is priceless and immeasurable in how much your whole life, and the people you hold close to your heart, is positively and beautifully enhanced.
You matter – we all do.
There are many areas of our Health and Well-being that we can focus on; exercising to gain strength; working on a good posture; eating a well balanced diet, for health generally and to maintain a healthy weight.
If we have a physical problem causing pain, or embarrassment, we will seek help. At Holcombe Health Clinic, where I hire a room, there is such a wonderful variety of expertise available.
All of the above also have an affect on your Mental Well-being- we know how amazing exercise is for making you feel better in yourself, or how much better you feel when irradiating physical pain, or seeing and feeling the benefits eating more healthily.
I work on the area of Mental Well-being, your Mental Health, in many different ways, helping you to understand how your mind works, how to manage Stress and Anxiety and develop and grow your Confidence and Self-esteem.
Our Mental Well-being is so important to how we function on a day to day basis, how productive we are, and it affects whether we try new things, reach our potential, go for a new job / promotion, how we perform in exams and it affects our relationships – whether with family, friends, work colleagues, and our personal relationships, and most importantly the relationship we have with ourselves.
Stress and Anxiety
Many of us will have had times we have felt stressed, and will understand how it affects our ability to make decisions, increasing the risk of making mistakes, it affects our sleep and causes muscle tension and headaches etc… generally stress is temporary, and when the cause of the stress is resolved- we take a sigh of relief. If stress is prolonged it can cause many other health concerns, so learning to manage stress is important.
Anxiety is something different, but stress can cause anxiety and vice-versa.
Anxiety is generally fear of what may happen in the future – anxiety and fear causes our body to release adrenaline so we are ready to Fight Fright (freeze) Flight (run – or avoid altogether) This is a natural process and is especially useful to us when we are under genuine threat, by keeping us safe or to help us survive. When someone is a ‘sufferer of Anxiety’- then you are in an almost permanent state of Fight Fright Flight to a threat that is mostly not real, our imagination is a powerful thing, however, this usually happens for very good reason. This prolonged state can understandably cause exhaustion and like stress, affect sleep too.
The good news is, that once you understand Stress and Anxiety you can manage it and feel human and normal, for you, again.
Mindfulness is a great way to start- as bringing yourself into the present moment and being present with yourself has a calming effect- just focusing on your breath or taking 3 slow meaningful breaths can help. Just taking time out in nature – even 10 minutes is very beneficial, there are studies around how amazing being outside is for us and our mental well-being, especially being around trees or in lovely open expanses. Another great tool is music, as it has a powerful affect on our mood, and can change our mood in an instant, so having calming or uplifting upbeat music can really help you feel better. Animals also can have a very calming effect, get you out, or make you laugh. Laughter is also incredibly at shifting mood.
Confidence and Self-Esteem
Stress and Anxiety can also have an impact on your Confidence levels. Many things can dent your confidence, and we are all the same in that respect, and may feel more confident in one situation and not another. Confidence therefore can fluctuate depending on circumstances and experiences. Confidence is an ‘intangible’ thing – a feeling, and different for us all, and is also linked to our skills and knowledge and how confident we feel in our ability to deliver what is needed, or to speak out and / or help ourselves or help others.
Where there are deeper confidence issues and low self-esteem (how you feel about yourself) can greatly impact many life decisions, maybe not going for what you want and ‘putting up’ with situations and people. Essentially, it is about your self-worth and feeling confident enough to stick up for You, or to go to an exercise class, or address weight issues, or to go on a date and crucially to say No to what you don’t want.
I find that for many people I see, it has taken enormous courage to take the first step. Once you do, it is important to go at the pace that suits you. Most people fear change, because it is a ‘threat’ to us, an unknown! So small sustainable steps are best.
One thing that can help- is to write down your achievements – start with little things like when you learnt to read and write, maybe you learnt to ride a bike, swim 100 meters… and then keep going! You’ll be amazed.
Also Gratitude is so powerful and positive, think of all the things you are grateful for, small things and big things; like having running water, a lovely close friend, a park nearby, for pets, or things and people who make you smile – this is a great exercise to do daily – get a note book and write down 3 things that made you smile – and do it at the end of every day, this switches your mind to think of the positives – even if the day wasn’t the best day.
I really hope that this helps
Please do contact me if you would like to know more about what I do.
Confidence and Well Being, being able to cope with anxiety and stress – is essential – a priority for you and for staff
I am delighted to be running a 6 week course
The results I have had so far from other courses is amazing and I am so passionate about helping you develop Confidence and feel happier about being YOU and to go forward with what you want to do.
I have published the courses on social media and already had such amazing support and feedback
‘Liz Bylett – This is such an awesome course, I had the pleasure of attending a class that Andre ran which was very similar, yes I am very confident in many areas of my life but I believe we can all learn something new and Andrea’s extensive knowledge in this area inspires and embeds tools and resilience to deal with life’s challenges.
Yes it was brilliant wasn’t it?? Thoroughly recommended! – Julie Quick
I am working with Andrea now and she is amazing . X – Julie B
Sarah Hawes – This course will be amazing if you’re looking to be more confident and happy.
I can highly recommend Andrea – she has changed my life with her hypnotherapy and is such a lovely person – just right for a course like this!’
I hope to see You
A lot of people who come to see me are suffering with what they think is Anxiety, when in fact it is Stress and overwhelm.
Mindfulness practice can help, even just taking a deep slow breath, and giving yourself a ‘PAUSE’ to then choose and decide how you would like to proceed – even if it is to take some time out from a situation, even for 10 minutes.
Do you need to be saying ‘NO’ to taking on more than you can cope with? If you want to do a great job for someone – which is also taking on their expectations and standards too, coupled with your own – do you really have the time to do a great job for them?
A great way to say ‘No’ is ‘Let me check I have the time, to do a good job for you‘ – then really think about whether you do have the time, or that you even want to do what is being asked of you. you can say ‘No’ but add,’ it’s only No for now, as I’m so busy and can’t take anything else on‘ or is it maybe time that someone took their own responsibility – maybe you could offer to do part of what is being asked – if they also do their bit!
You can question why you may always be saying ‘Yes’
Questions to ask yourself – which can help you with Stress and Anxiety
‘What’s the worst that could happen – really?’ Think about this question – what is the worst really? in some scenarios it could be that someone is unhappy, even angry, that you are not doing what they want. Can you deal with that? probably you can.
‘is how I feel right now helpful to me and the situation?’ then ask yourself ‘what would serve me and the situation better?’ It takes a bit of practice, but if you forget to ask yourself – you will then reflect – which is all a process of learning – do cut yourself some slack – you’re a human, with emotions, and if you are stressed or anxious, your emotions are heightened.
For Anxiety – a great question is ‘where is my evidence that what I am worried about IS going to happen?’ Anxiety is worrying and projecting that worry into the future ‘what if…’ – something that happened in the past, is not evidence for what has not happened yet! If you are able to think instead of the best possible outcome (you can if you can think of the worst!) then your ‘mindset’ changes – into one of possibility – this then means you approach the situation differently, more positively – so the ‘odds’ of things going better than expected are raised.
So, ‘what if…it goes better than expected? that I meet someone interesting, or have fun, or make a valuable connection, or I am able to make someone smile, help them and make their day better?’
YOU CAN 🙂
please contact me if you want to know more