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A lot of people who come to see me are suffering with what they think is Anxiety, when in fact it is Stress and overwhelm.
Mindfulness practice can help, even just taking a deep slow breath, and giving yourself a ‘PAUSE’ to then choose and decide how you would like to proceed – even if it is to take some time out from a situation, even for 10 minutes.
Do you need to be saying ‘NO’ to taking on more than you can cope with? If you want to do a great job for someone – which is also taking on their expectations and standards too, coupled with your own – do you really have the time to do a great job for them?
A great way to say ‘No’ is ‘Let me check I have the time, to do a good job for you‘ – then really think about whether you do have the time, or that you even want to do what is being asked of you. you can say ‘No’ but add,’ it’s only No for now, as I’m so busy and can’t take anything else on‘ or is it maybe time that someone took their own responsibility – maybe you could offer to do part of what is being asked – if they also do their bit!
You can question why you may always be saying ‘Yes’
Questions to ask yourself – which can help you with Stress and Anxiety
‘What’s the worst that could happen – really?’ Think about this question – what is the worst really? in some scenarios it could be that someone is unhappy, even angry, that you are not doing what they want. Can you deal with that? probably you can.
‘is how I feel right now helpful to me and the situation?’ then ask yourself ‘what would serve me and the situation better?’ It takes a bit of practice, but if you forget to ask yourself – you will then reflect – which is all a process of learning – do cut yourself some slack – you’re a human, with emotions, and if you are stressed or anxious, your emotions are heightened.
For Anxiety – a great question is ‘where is my evidence that what I am worried about IS going to happen?’ Anxiety is worrying and projecting that worry into the future ‘what if…’ – something that happened in the past, is not evidence for what has not happened yet! If you are able to think instead of the best possible outcome (you can if you can think of the worst!) then your ‘mindset’ changes – into one of possibility – this then means you approach the situation differently, more positively – so the ‘odds’ of things going better than expected are raised.
So, ‘what if…it goes better than expected? that I meet someone interesting, or have fun, or make a valuable connection, or I am able to make someone smile, help them and make their day better?’
YOU CAN 🙂
please contact me if you want to know more
I thoroughly enjoyed running my A2B 10 week course ‘Confidence to be your best You’
Seeing the confidence grow in the attendees, week on week is amazing.
Here is the feedback received:
‘My Confidence levels have changed, I feel happier in myself’
I’ve learnt ‘it’s OK to be ME’ ‘My anxiety has reduced and I now sleep!’
‘I have thoroughly enjoyed this course, a great experience and beautifully put together’
‘I am more confident saying No, and have learnt new skills, and understanding and valuing myself’
‘My confidence has improved, and the course was presented in a kind and understanding way’
‘My confidence has changed a lot – there should be more courses like this one’
I also scored a 10, from everyone on how likely they would be to recommend my course 🙂
If you would like to know more, please do get in-touch
When people tell me I’ve helped them to make ‘life changes’ that make them feel more confident and happy, and have made significant breakthroughs – long after seeing me; it make me feel very very happy 🙂
we work together, to find out what you feel you can work with, I do gently challenge you too.
I use a variety of techniques in what’s called a ‘client centered’ way – lead by you and
‘Solution focused’ so about finding the right solution to make the changes you want and move you forward
The last couple of weeks, I have had the pleasure of continuing to run my ‘Confidence to be your best You’ course, with the most amazing results.
had 121 appointments with the most wonderful clients
Been a volunteer, as part of Young Enterprise, at a local girls school, which was so inspiring – helping them develop their confidence – they had to develop a business name, product and present their idea. They all did so well
Delivered a talk on ‘Perception’
I went to Kent Vision Live and met the lovely Steph McGovern from the BBC Breakfast and many other businesses
I’ve co-hosted on ClickRadio – part of Channel Radio – talking about the law of attraction
Been part of Women in Buisiness WIB, BBN – Brian’s Business Networking
and so much more – including sharing a 3rd business birthday with Jemma Fairclough-Haynes
photo courtesy of
Had a fabulous time co- hosting on Channel Radio 2 Click radio with Linda Cloke from Click Events and Neelam from Mirror holistic coaching- talking all things Law of Attraction- it was an interesting conversation
Listen on www.channelradio.co.uk
A wonderful session with The Right Steps Dance – they are so inspiring – teaching dance from young people, to visiting care homes.
We talked around how our minds work, how stress and anxiety can have an impact on us and our clients, how to prioritise tasks, and to not take on too much, by having the confidence to say that powerful little word – No – which can be hard to do sometimes
If your organisation would like a talk, please do let me know
A much longer post than normal, I’ve always been a writer and if this helps anyone, then that’s great ✨
We are human and we all at times, can feel like we’re fighting the enemy within, trying to escape, bury, tame or pacify our deepest dreaded demons or fears, sometimes to the point of irrationality, even insanity.
Ironically what you fear the most, you generally focus on, or spend all your energy trying to avoid, which actually brings it into your reality, thus re-enforcing the fear.
So powerful are your thoughts.
What I have learnt is: Make Peace with Yourself, don’t fight with your ‘enemy’ within, you will not defeat them, you won’t win.
Get to know them, you will find you want the same thing! to win at life, to survive and thrive, to have success and happiness.
Once you accept this as the truth, you become the closest of allies, working together towards your greater good, enabling you to reach your potential, to be creative and solution focused.
Face your demons and fears head on. Really look them in the eye. What have you to lose by doing so? Identify them for what they are, how they make you feel, and why? because, by facing them what’s the worst that could happen- really?
If you don’t – they will always haunt you, and steel your inner happiness, eat at your self worth, ravage your soul, leaving you empty, exhausted, despondent and unhappy, also anxious and possibly depressed, stagnating, not moving forward or growing, as well as maybe being physically chronically unwell.
As soon as you do face them and get in touch with the emotions they evoke in you, you will realise, that your demons and fears were on your side all along, trying their best to protect you and keep you safe.
Once faced, and identified for what they are, your ‘demons’ become your closest friends, and the fears literally vanish.
Once you do this; Your mind clears, the clarity is incredible and you can then live in your truth, be authentically you, live in each moment fully, having true enjoyment, feeling wonderfully happy on the inside, knowing that’s where your happiness resides for always- regardless of circumstance and any negative people around you. (Do try and remember though, that everyone is just doing the best they know how at the time)
Your physical health will improve miraculously.
Realising the importance and power of nurturing good thoughts, will mean you will always strive to think positively, to switch negativity off and forever focus on making everything as bright beautiful and as brilliant as can be. You will be in the driving seat of your life, making better choices., and being open to opportunities.
Not to say you won’t have times where you feel sad or not in control of situations and circumstances, you may feel frustrated and angry, but you will know to get in touch with how you feel, to let go, and choose different thoughts around the situation – choose to view things in a different way, and feel better, because you know you can.
Only you control how you are, how you feel, and that you just don’t ‘live there’ anymore, in a ‘bad’ negative or defensive place, you’ll choose a better place to be, it is amazing.
For me this also includes sometimes surrendering, and offering up to the universe, what’s going on, and having faith and belief that everything will work out in the best possible way, or that you will grow through having had a valuable lesson.
Change is the only constant in life, and you will learn to naturally go with the flow more, to choose Happy, this becoming your constant.
You will also choose to Love who you are, know yourself better, nurture your body, mind, soul and spirit. Believe in, validate and value yourself and your place in your world, and the world, the universe, as a whole – that everything in your experience – your life, begins and ends with You. Your thoughts, feelings, perception, actions, energy and happiness.
Believe me, it’s possible, you’re worth it, and it works.
Andrea Barker Confidence Coach
I am currently running a 10 week course on Confidence, and it is the most amazing experience to see the confidence of the attendees emerging. We have just had week 4 – and the participation, and sharing of experiences is so good, which enhances the learning for all. The environment created is a safe one, where the attendees are supported, and only required to share what they feel comfortable with, and as a group, we all agree to absolute confidentiality ‘Chatham house rules’ – ‘What’s said in the room, stays in the room’
A lot of what we are doing is quite thought provoking and about getting to know yourself better, so you can make better choices for yourself, and feel confident stepping out into new situations, to do what it is you enjoy, to stand up for and look after YOU.
So far we have covered;
week 1 – What is Confidence and Self-confidence? What is confidence to you?
week 2 – Understanding yourself, and how your mind works and what makes you You, getting to Know yourself
week 3 – How we learn and why we kind find change difficult, even if it’s good for us!
week 4 – Perception, Beliefs and stepping out of your comfort zone
week 5 will be – Communication. Saying No and saying Yes. Body language. Getting your message across and being heard
…and so much more over the 10 weeks
I present a subject, and we have discussion, there is active participation, worksheets and lovely things to try and ‘homework’ 🙂
I absolutely Love what I do. Seeing the small shifts, and big leaps people make, the smiles and laughs – is priceless