A lot of people who come to see me are suffering with what they think is Anxiety, when in fact it is Stress and overwhelm.
Mindfulness practice can help, even just taking a deep slow breath, and giving yourself a ‘PAUSE’ to then choose and decide how you would like to proceed – even if it is to take some time out from a situation, even for 10 minutes.
Do you need to be saying ‘NO’ to taking on more than you can cope with? If you want to do a great job for someone – which is also taking on their expectations and standards too, coupled with your own – do you really have the time to do a great job for them?
A great way to say ‘No’ is ‘Let me check I have the time, to do a good job for you‘ – then really think about whether you do have the time, or that you even want to do what is being asked of you. you can say ‘No’ but add,’ it’s only No for now, as I’m so busy and can’t take anything else on‘ or is it maybe time that someone took their own responsibility – maybe you could offer to do part of what is being asked – if they also do their bit!
You can question why you may always be saying ‘Yes’
Questions to ask yourself – which can help you with Stress and Anxiety
‘What’s the worst that could happen – really?’ Think about this question – what is the worst really? in some scenarios it could be that someone is unhappy, even angry, that you are not doing what they want. Can you deal with that? probably you can.
‘is how I feel right now helpful to me and the situation?’ then ask yourself ‘what would serve me and the situation better?’ It takes a bit of practice, but if you forget to ask yourself – you will then reflect – which is all a process of learning – do cut yourself some slack – you’re a human, with emotions, and if you are stressed or anxious, your emotions are heightened.
For Anxiety – a great question is ‘where is my evidence that what I am worried about IS going to happen?’ Anxiety is worrying and projecting that worry into the future ‘what if…’ – something that happened in the past, is not evidence for what has not happened yet! If you are able to think instead of the best possible outcome (you can if you can think of the worst!) then your ‘mindset’ changes – into one of possibility – this then means you approach the situation differently, more positively – so the ‘odds’ of things going better than expected are raised.
So, ‘what if…it goes better than expected? that I meet someone interesting, or have fun, or make a valuable connection, or I am able to make someone smile, help them and make their day better?’
YOU CAN 🙂
please contact me if you want to know more
I thoroughly enjoyed running my A2B 10 week course ‘Confidence to be your best You’
Seeing the confidence grow in the attendees, week on week is amazing.
Here is the feedback received:
‘My Confidence levels have changed, I feel happier in myself’
I’ve learnt ‘it’s OK to be ME’ ‘My anxiety has reduced and I now sleep!’
‘I have thoroughly enjoyed this course, a great experience and beautifully put together’
‘I am more confident saying No, and have learnt new skills, and understanding and valuing myself’
‘My confidence has improved, and the course was presented in a kind and understanding way’
‘My confidence has changed a lot – there should be more courses like this one’
I also scored a 10, from everyone on how likely they would be to recommend my course 🙂
If you would like to know more, please do get in-touch
A lovely friend, who has used my services, reminded me that not only do I get results quickly, but they last, after they had a significant breakthrough some time after seeing me
This I am told is my USP 😊✨
Get in touch to find out how I can help you
I can help with Anxiety, Stress, low Self-Confidence, low Self-Esteem, Phobias and more
When people tell me I’ve helped them to make ‘life changes’ that make them feel more confident and happy, and have made significant breakthroughs – long after seeing me; it make me feel very very happy 🙂
we work together, to find out what you feel you can work with, I do gently challenge you too.
I use a variety of techniques in what’s called a ‘client centered’ way – lead by you and
‘Solution focused’ so about finding the right solution to make the changes you want and move you forward
I have recently had the privilege to run a 10 week funded course to help people build on their Confidence.
It has been most humbling and inspiring to be part of the journey my attendees have made, there were 8 in total. It is with much thanks to the wonderful community project in Dartford -Well Being Link – helping vulnerable members of society and those going through adversity, and also with thanks to the Lions Dartford who generously helped fund the course, and The Meeting Place, in Dartford Orchard Centre for the room.
Over the 10 weeks we covered
- what confidence and self-confidence is, and self-esteem
- Understanding how your mind works : It’s OK to be You, knowing who you are : what makes you happy?
- How we learn : why we find change difficult sometimes : Perception
- Beliefs and habits : Self limiting beliefs : Stepping out of your ‘comfort zone’ and building resilience
- Communication : being heard and getting your point across : saying NO : standing up for You
- Anxiety and fears and how to overcome them : Emotions
- Your strengths and skills : Believing in them : responsibility and leadership
- Motivation and how to set effective goals
- Self-belief : vision boards : the power of your mind : mindfulness
- A recap on all the learning : certificates
…and so much more. The group were amazing and grew in confidence, contributing and sharing within the group which enhanced their learning and mine too.
The feedback was incredible and each attendee felt inspired and so much more confident about themselves – which was the objective 🙂
Please contact me if you would like to know more and are interested to have a course run within your organisation or business
a few photos:
The last couple of weeks, I have had the pleasure of continuing to run my ‘Confidence to be your best You’ course, with the most amazing results.
had 121 appointments with the most wonderful clients
Been a volunteer, as part of Young Enterprise, at a local girls school, which was so inspiring – helping them develop their confidence – they had to develop a business name, product and present their idea. They all did so well
Delivered a talk on ‘Perception’
I went to Kent Vision Live and met the lovely Steph McGovern from the BBC Breakfast and many other businesses
I’ve co-hosted on ClickRadio – part of Channel Radio – talking about the law of attraction
Been part of Women in Buisiness WIB, BBN – Brian’s Business Networking
and so much more – including sharing a 3rd business birthday with Jemma Fairclough-Haynes
photo courtesy of
Had a fabulous time co- hosting on Channel Radio 2 Click radio with Linda Cloke from Click Events and Neelam from Mirror holistic coaching- talking all things Law of Attraction- it was an interesting conversation
Listen on www.channelradio.co.uk
Stress is most normally due to an external factor.
We have all felt ‘stressed’ at times, even ‘super stressed’ when for example it reaches house moving day or starting a new job / business, school or college. Or if there are financial problems, work concerns, or a breakdown in relationships, at home or at work, or family concerns.
We generally do get through it though, because there is usually an end to it, and once the ‘pressure’ is off, you can sigh with relief and the state of feeling stressed will dissipate. It can be frustrating if things don’t go exactly as planned, but we do generally cope, once the cause has been dealt with effectively, or a resolution is found, the stress then lessens and normally goes all together
In certain situations that a certain amount of stress and anxiety is expected and can drive us forward, like when taking an exam, doing a public speech, acting, performing in a competition whether sports, or music etc…
In a work situation feeling pressured into accomplishing a job by a certain deadline, can focus your attention to complete the task, likewise with a written assignment or project, and motivate you to do your best.
We all deal with stress differently and usually manage to alleviate it effectively and positively
Stress is a normal part of life and apart from a heightened level of cortisol, it is usually mixed in with a healthy dose of adrenaline, to sharpen our responses, (not quite to the same level of heightened anxiety which occurs in a threatening or dangerous situation – the ‘fight fright flight’ response, which ultimately can save our life). Though there can be similar physical symptoms due to the release of cortisol, and the adrenal glands releasing adrenaline, like a more rapid heart beat and sweating, but stress tends to not to include feelings of impending doom like anxiety, it is rather feelings of being pressured or frustrated, or ‘up against it’.
However, a stressed state can not be sustained day in and day out, it stops being helpful to you if prolonged, and becomes known as Chronic Stress.
When stress takes over, and you start to feel overwhelmed and constantly time pressured. Having unrealistic demands and goals to reach, in unreasonable time frames, set by yourself or others, and cease to find enjoyment in what you do.
A wonderful session with The Right Steps Dance – they are so inspiring – teaching dance from young people, to visiting care homes.
We talked around how our minds work, how stress and anxiety can have an impact on us and our clients, how to prioritise tasks, and to not take on too much, by having the confidence to say that powerful little word – No – which can be hard to do sometimes
If your organisation would like a talk, please do let me know
A much longer post than normal, I’ve always been a writer and if this helps anyone, then that’s great ✨
We are human and we all at times, can feel like we’re fighting the enemy within, trying to escape, bury, tame or pacify our deepest dreaded demons or fears, sometimes to the point of irrationality, even insanity.
Ironically what you fear the most, you generally focus on, or spend all your energy trying to avoid, which actually brings it into your reality, thus re-enforcing the fear.
So powerful are your thoughts.
What I have learnt is: Make Peace with Yourself, don’t fight with your ‘enemy’ within, you will not defeat them, you won’t win.
Get to know them, you will find you want the same thing! to win at life, to survive and thrive, to have success and happiness.
Once you accept this as the truth, you become the closest of allies, working together towards your greater good, enabling you to reach your potential, to be creative and solution focused.
Face your demons and fears head on. Really look them in the eye. What have you to lose by doing so? Identify them for what they are, how they make you feel, and why? because, by facing them what’s the worst that could happen- really?
If you don’t – they will always haunt you, and steel your inner happiness, eat at your self worth, ravage your soul, leaving you empty, exhausted, despondent and unhappy, also anxious and possibly depressed, stagnating, not moving forward or growing, as well as maybe being physically chronically unwell.
As soon as you do face them and get in touch with the emotions they evoke in you, you will realise, that your demons and fears were on your side all along, trying their best to protect you and keep you safe.
Once faced, and identified for what they are, your ‘demons’ become your closest friends, and the fears literally vanish.
Once you do this; Your mind clears, the clarity is incredible and you can then live in your truth, be authentically you, live in each moment fully, having true enjoyment, feeling wonderfully happy on the inside, knowing that’s where your happiness resides for always- regardless of circumstance and any negative people around you. (Do try and remember though, that everyone is just doing the best they know how at the time)
Your physical health will improve miraculously.
Realising the importance and power of nurturing good thoughts, will mean you will always strive to think positively, to switch negativity off and forever focus on making everything as bright beautiful and as brilliant as can be. You will be in the driving seat of your life, making better choices., and being open to opportunities.
Not to say you won’t have times where you feel sad or not in control of situations and circumstances, you may feel frustrated and angry, but you will know to get in touch with how you feel, to let go, and choose different thoughts around the situation – choose to view things in a different way, and feel better, because you know you can.
Only you control how you are, how you feel, and that you just don’t ‘live there’ anymore, in a ‘bad’ negative or defensive place, you’ll choose a better place to be, it is amazing.
For me this also includes sometimes surrendering, and offering up to the universe, what’s going on, and having faith and belief that everything will work out in the best possible way, or that you will grow through having had a valuable lesson.
Change is the only constant in life, and you will learn to naturally go with the flow more, to choose Happy, this becoming your constant.
You will also choose to Love who you are, know yourself better, nurture your body, mind, soul and spirit. Believe in, validate and value yourself and your place in your world, and the world, the universe, as a whole – that everything in your experience – your life, begins and ends with You. Your thoughts, feelings, perception, actions, energy and happiness.
Believe me, it’s possible, you’re worth it, and it works.
Andrea Barker Confidence Coach