Confidence is an inside job
Why have I chosen to be a ConfidenceCoach?
Why is it my passion?
To love, to feel and to fear is human.
On a deep level, I get pure joy from helping and enabling people to empower themselves, seeing the moment a penny drops for them!
For them to recognise their abilities and strengths, and to ‘unlock’ their true inner self, realising their passions and potential, breaking down defences – sometimes large defences, and then opening up to acceptance and forgiveness of themselves and others, gaining self confidence, self worth and self belief.
Opening up to LOVE and self love, being loved, giving love, allowing vulnerability and dispelling fears.
Seeing people realise the possibilities available to them, knowing that they do have choices and can develop resilience to all situations.
Knowing that failing at something is not failure.
Overcoming fear to at least try something new, releasing themselves and make changes to long held onto self limiting beliefs, and habits. Learning that every experience good or bad, can enable them to grow profoundly on every level.
To think ‘what if….it’s brilliant?’ not ‘what if it goes wrong?’
Time moves on regardless of whether we stay still or not, to stagnate is not our inherent nature as humans, and deadens our soul.
Personal growth – is personal and different for all of us, and needs to be at our own pace. To grow expands our minds and sets us free onto the path of happiness and love, which we all deserve.
We each of us are on our own path, our own journey – towards our own destiny if you like.
Is there rhyme or reason to any of it? Some say yes, some no.
Some say ‘fate’ – who knows?
Who is right who is wrong?
No-one.
It is your own personal journey.
Sometimes an experience teaches us something, a lesson is learnt and we grow. Sometimes the lesson is obvious to us, sometimes the life experience can be harsh and hurtful, even soul destroying, other times the lesson is not at all obvious, at least not at the time, we may even have the same experience again and again by unconsciously making the same types of choices.
All I know is: our world turns and life moves forward constantly, and we can choose to move forward too. We can choose our own path, and we can switch to another path at any time, if we want.
We can sometimes walk alone or with others.
Our choice.
It is how our choices make us feel deep inside that is important, that we do not make choices through hatred, neediness or greed, that we live in the moment, for each new day, to the best of our ability.
Developing a self awareness and having a connection to the essence of ourselves, and what makes us – us.
And that we connect with and love the people in our lives who enrich our world.
Why do I write this? What qualifies me?
I write from the heart and I feel this way because…I know that transformation is possible, that to make an amazing leap is really scary, but that once you do, you will never look back.
I’ve been there in the darkest places of my mind, in the darkest of circumstances, hating myself and the world and everyone in it. Making poor or self sabotaging choices, hurting others (not purposefully, like the majority of us) or trying to please, or ‘rescue’ people and situations, instead of myself.
Reacting to situations, circumstance and people in a less than a positive way, usually compounding the situation further and of course blaming others, and having unrealistic expectations of myself and others. Sometimes too low an expectation, and other times much too high an expectation, setting up no other choice but to fail. Basically not being very self aware or aware of others and being a ‘victim’ of circumstance.
I know the amazing, though also scary, pure joy of awakening to oneself, to the possibilities within and without, to the opportunities that exist. How to close doors and open new ones, how to say No and how to say Yes to life, and enjoy all the many wonderful things it has to offer.
Learning to let go: not just of people or circumstances that are negative or destructive, but also the gentle letting go of those you love. There are also times when despite your love for someone or something, you have to love yourself more.
(Encouraging others, supporting and helping others is different to trying to mould, influence or manipulate a person or situation into what suits you).
Once you accept yourself, love yourself, change what you can, and accept what and who you can’t change, by learning to change your view and deciding whether the situation, or person it is of value to you.
Knowing that you and you alone make all your choices good and bad, and are responsible for how you think, act and react towards every situation or person in your life. That each good or bad decision, thought or act gives out ripples, sometimes very far reaching and can have a profound affect in a positive or negative way on your life and the lives of others – the law of cause and effect.
Also that your past, or a past event or person does not define you, most especially if negative.
Being grateful for all that is in your life, the people and animals, appreciating the small things we can sometimes take for granted, what you can do, not focusing on what you can’t or what isn’t. Remembering that your life is there for you to create, not someone else, then you will live a more fulfilling, peaceful, positive, happy, joyous life, full of all you desire and love.
Not to say it is an easy road, making the first step towards change can be hard, changing your mind-set can be hard, persevering can be so hard and things, people or circumstances will test you, and that you will cease to be a ‘human’ full of complex emotions will not change.
The mind is everything, what you think you become.
Buddha
‘To err is human ‘
However, each step – however small, counts, and with acceptance, confidence and self love, you will embrace all experiences as a learning / growing opportunity, building resilience, adjusting expectation and choosing how you react to and deal with people and situations, learning to bounce back, then move forward.
Be your own best friend, be forgiving of yourself and others, mindful and compassionate, living a full life without fear.
It is so very worth it.
You are worth it.
a little bit more…
We are all of us in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
Oscar Wilde
Many years ago, this quote resonated for me.
Have you ever really looked at the stars?
They are amazing! If you can go to an area without light pollution, do. They literally blow you away, with how many there are, their intensity and brightness and that they are always there.
In our age of the internet you can find beautiful photographs or live feeds of the stars shown in relation to our wonderful world. The vast expanse of the universe, it is incredible, and for me, at the same time as feeling so very small, I also felt a part of something big, amazing and incredible.
That we are here at all, a tiny spec in the universe, is awe inspiring.
Going back to Oscar Wilde’s quote – you can choose to see the stars, or not, you can choose to see the best in yourself and others or not, you can choose your outlook on life, you can choose all that you do and don’t do.
We all have our inner essence, what feeds our soul in a healthy positive way, and we can all choose our beliefs, also choose whether or not to challenge ourselves and ingrained beliefs we have clung onto, for a myriad of reasons, that do not serve us in a healthy way.
Quite often it is knowing that you do have a choice, and then how to make the changes you want.
Are you prepared for the transformation?
You – but even better.
The best You that You can be.
‘Confidence is an inside job’
AndreaBarker ConfidenceCoach
